Scary comics that were not meant to be
THE SLUSH PILE
They’re scary but not meant to be…
Instead of extensive reviews, let me just point out a couple of disturbing moments in comics. Hopefully it’ll keep the therapist away.
The Sensational She-Hulk #34: Another pregnant Demi Moore, Vanity Fair parody (see also the Leslie Nielson cover) — to quote the cover: “It’s not fair to accuse me of vanity! I just thrive on controversy!” Oh come on! This was Marvel’s gratuitous attempt to add sex appeal. Two giant green boobs is much scarier than a foil di-cut Silver Surfer cover. (See the Vanity Fair cover before)
Avengers #239: The guest appearance of David Letterman – even the gap in his teeth. I just want a “Top 10 List” of reasons why Wonder Man is a celebrity in the Marvel universe. Dave even smashes the tubby supervillain over the head then delivers that frightful grin.
Plasm #1 to whatever: Everything Plasm is scary and should have been called phlegm. What was Jim Shooter thinking? Save the ecosystem and let the humans die – how is this an appealing plot? I don’t think you’ll see any publishers building their comic book line around green ooze. Oh yeah, Eastman and Laird – “Heroes in a Halfshell”. Now that’s scary.
Dinosaurs for Hire: Malibu put oozies in the hands — I mean claws, of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Does it bother anyone else seeing a Triceratops wearing a saddle? How about a chain-smoking Brontosaurus in a hot air balloon? I prefer the comforts of “The Land of the Lost” – this is just painful. Do you think Spielberg has ever read DFH? Might explain a lot.
Transformers (especially the later issues of the original series): They were great toys, but what a mess in comics. Who’s talking the robot? The car? The plane that was the robot two panels ago? Aw crap – forget it.
Savage Dragon #35: With Hellboy guest starring, the Dragon defeats a band of skeletal pirates after being swallowed by a giant monster. Scary? No, but then they find their escape via the creature’s ass crack. The dragon snipes: “Man, I hope nobody’s got a camera handy”. All I have to say is “crevice” – deep therapeutic scars.
Preacher: An amazing but jarring series with moments of gratuitous gore and laughable disturbing moments. The scars run deep thinking about Preacher #39 in which hillbilly cannibals “take” Starr’s leg, and he then has to wipe the young cannibal’s ass to get a gun. Starr takes them down as they close in, but they land on him – “S**t!” he says trapped under the pile of Jethros. With only one leg, he hops away through the desert. Whoa. This is Andy Lalino-bobbing-for-testicles creepy.
Demi Moore started the trend of celebs showing off their pregnant bellies with this famous Vogue cover photo
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