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Published On: Wed, Jun 26th, 2013

Cap’n Crunch revealed to only be a Commander, Pentagon says he’s has no US Navy record

A new scandal may be headed towards the U.S. Navy involving one of  the world’s most famous captains: Cap’n Crunch.

The legendary cereal icon’s status as a captain has come under fire after an Internet blogger noticed that Cap’n Crunch only wears the bars of a Navy commander, not those of a captain. 

In the U.S. Navy, captains wear four bars on their uniforms, while  commanders —  one rank below captain – have three bars.

photo Quaker Oaks

photo Quaker Oaks

“The cheery Santa Claus in blue Napoleon hat is really just a big, fat LIAR,” wrote Charisma Madarang on Foodbeast, an online food news site. Gawker and other sites reported on the scandal as well.

Cap’n Crunch took to Twitter to defend his honor.

All hearsay and misunderstandings!,” @realcapncrunch wrote.”I captain the S.S. Guppy with my crew – which makes an official Cap’n in any book!”

And:

Of course I’m a Cap’n!” he wrote to anguished supporters searching for answers. “It’s the Crunch – not the clothes – that make a man. #PaidMyDues”

The controversy deepened on Wednesday when the Pentagon said it had no record of a Cap’n Crunch ever serving in the U.S. Navy.

“We have no Cap’n Crunch in the personnel records – and we checked,” said Lt. Commander Chris Servello, director of the U.S. Navy’s news desk at the Pentagon. “We have notified NCIS and we’re looking into whether or not he’s impersonating a naval officer – and that’s a serious offense.”

According to official mythos, Cap’n Crunch first set sail in 1963 when Quaker Oats Co. introduced the sweet children’s cereal.

According to his official biography, Cap’n Crunch, whose full name is Horatio Magellan Crunch, was born on Crunch Island in the Sea of Milk – “a magical place with talking trees, crazy creatures and a whole mountain (Mt. Crunchmore) made out of Cap’n Crunch cereal.”

It remains unclear if Crunch Island is part of the United States.

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About the Author

- Writer and Co-Founder of The Global Dispatch, Brandon has been covering news, offering commentary for years, beginning professionally in 2003 on Crazed Fanboy before expanding into other blogs and sites. Appearing on several radio shows, Brandon has hosted Dispatch Radio, written his first novel (The Rise of the Templar) and completed the three years Global University program in Ministerial Studies to be a pastor. To Contact Brandon email [email protected] ATTN: BRANDON

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