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Published On: Wed, Jun 7th, 2017

Bill Maher Quotes

Bill-Maher-on-Hardball


Capping thine enemy is not exactly what Jesus would do – it’s what Suge Knight would do. – May 14, 2011

Martin Luther King gets to call himself a Christian because he actually practiced loving his enemies, and Gandhi was so f***ing Christian he was Hindu. – May 14, 2011


Sarah Palin said Obama should stop ‘pussyfooting around’ and release the photos. Yes, because the guy who ordered the SEALs into a sovereign country without permission and killed public enemy number one is a pussy, and the woman who quit her job as the governor of a state with no people after half a term and won’t do an interview with anyone but Greta Van Susteren is a bad-ass. Right.

Stop saying ‘we’ got Osama. ‘We’ didn’t do anything. ‘We’ were watching ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ and eating Funions in our sweatpants. Seal Team 6 did the killing, with money we borrowed from Beijing; that our grandchildren will have to pay back. So it was a joint Navy Seals/People’s Bank of China/grandchildren operation.


How many Muslims does a black guy have to kill in one weekend before crackers climb down off his ass? – referring to Obama’s still poor approval ratings after the assassination of Osama bin Laden


Bill Maher is asked if he regrets calling Michele Bachmann a bimbo and Sarah Palin the “c-word” and “dumb twat.” His response:

Well, you know, I’ve been through this so many times. There’s a lot of people in America who have, of course, nothing to do except look for something to get mad at. And I’ve been a frequent target and I’m happy to provide that service. So, you know, I always say, as I’ve said many times in these kind of situations, if I hurt somebody’s feelings, I’m always sorry about that, I’m not trying to hurt somebody’s feelings. But if you want me to say I’m sorry what I said was wrong, no, sorry, I can’t go there. – March 29, 2011

Now, I’m not saying that sexism doesn’t exist and isn’t real. And we can’t, but we can’t throw around the word “sexist” just to stop people like me from pointing out that Michele Bachmann, now running second for the Republican presidential nomination, isn’t a dangerous nincompoop. And when I point out that Sarah Palin is a vainglorious braggart, a liar, a whiner, a professional victim, a scold, a know-it-all, a chiseler, a bully who sells patriotism like a pimp, and the leader of a strange family of inbred weirdos straight out of “The Hills Have Eyes,” that’s not sexist. I’m saying it because it’s true, not because it’s true of a woman. – July 2011

I would need a gun to my head. I hope Sarah Palin gets in so that they split the MILF vote. – on CNN’s Piers Morgan show, July 2011

But I guess Bachmann, I don’t know. Who could say? Because, at least she’s somebody who can read. You know, she has a job. She was a lawyer. She’s in Congress. She’s not someone who just sits there and reads the prayers on her Blackberry like Sarah Palin. I mean, you know, we’re splitting hairs here. – on CNN’s Piers Morgan show, July 2011

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